I Won a Cookie!

Well, not that I deserved it. It just so happened that today’s training featured a bomb of a topic that’s waiting to explode. I have no choice but to ask many questions, and a lot of details needed clarifying for the benefit of everyone.

We have been having this daily technical writing training for a couple of days now. Its purpose is to settle grammar conflicts between us and QA, and create a standard form of writing convention for all regulatory content.

I had a well-needed refresher for the use of punctuations. I admit forgetting a lot of the more “exotic” usages and slided down with commonly used conventions for some time now.  Although there were moments when I slipped sideways on my chair and entered saliva-dripping day dream sequences like I did back in college,  overall, I think the training was fair.

“Sherbaks” the trainer, offered to throw in a cookie as a prize for today’s most pro-active attendee. Being ‘pabibo’ has never been my cup of tea, but for the sake of a lively discussion, I opted to play the part.

And I won a cookie!

Oatmeal and choco-chip bliss. Home baked to perfection.

Unusually large for its kind. Shown beside peripherals to scale.

Compatible with Firefox Version 3.0

Blog-break!

As Jim Carrey says it, “..aaaannd that’s how the cookie crumbles..”

Who says such a small thing doesn’t count?

NBI Clearance – A DOST Scholars’ Guide Part 1

Who cares bout the saying “Been there, done That.” It doesn’t mean a thing, a mere prick on the lap of my tounge forced me to spill it out.

Anyway.

There you are, staring blank at your bedroom ceiling, wondering how to deal with tomorrow’s plan of getting your coveted NBI clearance. May it be for local work, an official business overseas, off-shore training, an extravagant asian tour, whatever you need it for, I know there’s this morbid voice whispering at the back of your head, telling you that the day has arrived..Your DOST scholarship bond just came back to haunt you.

And you’ve thought it’ll all gonna be milk and money, did you?. Tsk Tsk.

I feel you dude..

Buried deep beneath the ashes blazing towards the sky, here’s an NBI Clearance walkthrough devised to make your skirmishes along Carriedo toll a bit lighter. Before the encore, let me make some points clear.

# 1. Do not, and I let me emphasize that..Never expect that you can get all this done in one day. If you were a DOST Scholar, that’s the price you have to pay.

PunchNote: Unless your in a Luli-like incident, you may ignore this rule.

# 2. Never act or feel that your somewhat MR. Important. Don’t plan on using DOST as leverage in getting special treatment. Your DOST Scholarship will not save you from waiting in line, being shouted at, sweating your pants off, inhaling your neighbor’s odor, reaking your own odor, and feeling way dissappointed by the gruesome NBI clearance process just like everybody else.

PunchNote: This guide is designed to somehow prevent you from going through unnecessary hassles. However, if you still believe you can fastforward your way in getting the clearance, go Back and read Rule # 1.

If you cant inject the first two rules in your mind, brace yourself for a day of dissapointment. For the open-minded, lets begin by figuring Where the heck is NBI anyway?

Take LRT 1 and remember Carriedo Station as your drop point. That would be the easiest and most familiar way if you’re not from around. Once you reach the station, there are two known exits. One is the original LRT exit which is left closed for reasons I cannot explain, and the Mall exit where you’ll pass through tiangge shops and pirated CD stalls on your way down. Once on level soil, walk your way towards the Quiapo Direction and look left on the adjacent street.

When you see the building banner on left of the street thats says “NBI CLEARANCE CENTER”, Bingo! If you don’t have any sense of direction, see the punchnote below.

PunchNote: I’m such a noob here, really, so what I did was buy a stick of cigarette on the sidewalks (even when I still have a pack in my pocket) and asked the vendor politely where the place was. He pointed me right on target, after striking a spark on his worn out zippo, with a smile I quickly went on my way.

As you enter the vicinity, the place will be filled with peddlers and fixers. Here comes the next rule:

#3. You will never need an Income Tax Certificate. Ignore people offering you cedulas, and other form of identification cards. You won’t need them. NBI doesn’t require them. A Black Pen will be needed though. Have one in your hand throughout the day. With regard to fixers, you won’t be needing anything to fix. The clearance process is actually fast by itself.

After going up the first escalator, follow the signboards to arrive at the first level NBI Floor, which is actually at the 3rd floor of the Carriedo Plaza Mall building. Ignore people offering help of any kind, you can do it on your own. Malaki ka na.

On the Main Entrance, there are cashier windows where you will have to pay 20 Pesos for the building’ lease and maintenance. Pay it, and see the next rule:

# 4. Always Keep your Receipts! It’s not the amount you have paid, but for the agony of waiting through long lines again once you loose it. You will be issued another receipt for the NBI Clearance application. Always keep receipts safely tucked in your gutters.

After getting the 20 Peso Coupon, go inside and you will see booths for STEP 1. Do not Proceed to STEP 1!! Before doing, there’s a booth right beside the entrance, where you are to show your 20 peso coupon and claim the NBI Application form.

There will be no other place to get the form, so keep that in mind. Once you get it, quickly line up on “STEP 1:Na Hindi STEP 1″ booths and fill out the form while nasa pila ka pa, to be more efficient. No need to go to the “Requirements Filling Area” and waste valuable waiting time. Get your 115 Pesos ready for the NBI Application fee. Once done, they will issue you a receipt. Keep it and proceed to “STEP 2: Formality Lang“. Use the stairs to go up.

STEP 2 is actually data check, you will just hand over your application forms for verification whether you have filled out all the personal data correctly in its proper fields or not. Not too shabby here, but its better to make sure anything’s in check while still this early. This prevents pains on the next steps to follow. After getting your data checked, go for a quickie.

Which leads us to STEP 3: Quickie daw?

Quick Check.. Sounds harmless? NooooooooooTT!.. This is the STEP where they finally get your oily face shoved with a capital “H.I.T.” Enjoy this glorious moment. Linger on the fact that you will again walk the NBI premises sometime soon.

PunchNote: Whats a HIT? It’s basically a flag in your NBI database entry confirming that:

1. You either have a namesake with a criminal record, or you actually have a criminal record (Been busy busting some 7-Elevens lately haven’t you?).

2. You have some impending records with government offices, legal liabilities and contract obligations. ( Which rings a huge bell) hehe.

At this point, stay calm. There’s no reason to be shocked, now that you can see the red “HIT” printed on the back of your receipt. It’s not the time to be disheartened, there are two more steps before calling it a day.

STEP 4: Piktyur-Piktyur.

Err, it actually says Image Capture. Nothing much here, just stand at the pole and don’t pretend to smile. The image quality’s bad anyway, and tamad din magsabi ang photographer ng “Say Cheese”. By this time you should be halfway exhausted. After realizing the fact that you won’t look good on green or yellow paper, make your way up the next set of stairs.

Step 5. Cafe-Finger

After posing for your winning shot, proceed to the Fingerprinting area. There are a lot of booths here, expect unorganized and looping lines. By the way, here’s a good rule:

#5 Be vigilant, observant, and aware of your proximity. Lines spawn out and dissolve quickly around you. May mga Pilang bigla n lng lumalabas, be sure to notice and jump right away. If possible, be stealthy in your movements, mala solid snake, para walang makahalata habang lumilipat ka sa mas maikling pila. Remember, daig ng tusong matsing ang maagap na kuneho( The clever monkey always beats the nimble hare).

PunchNote: Right after fingerprinting, the attendant will offer you tissue papers soaked in alcohol for 2 Pesos. If you don’t have hand sanitizers with you, patulan mo na, wag ka na umalma. Its really convenient and does the job well.

Step 6. Registration.

To put it simply, this is where all application forms get sorted out for Releasing or Quality Control. People with no HITs, will proceed to STEP 7 and get the clearance immediately. For people like you, that has a HIT because of DOST, you will have to go back on an appointed date for QUALITY CONTROL Checking, before your clearance can be released, probably some time during the week. Minimum will be 3 days and 4 days the longest. Get your application form registered and listen to further instructions and the date for which you will be coming back. For now, go home, relax and live to fight another day.

By the way, before you go, have a good look at the STEP 7 Releasing booths.

Ahhhhhwww. The one that got away…Everyone’s getting their NBI Clearances except sad little you.

This pretty much covers everything on the first day of your NBI Clearance application.

3-4 days of waiting seem not so fun and so I hear. Well, worry not. You have work to do. Time to pay the guys of DOST a visit. You will need to get a temporary clearance notice from them, which you will use to warp-zone your way out of Quality Control!

More details on my next post.

[UPDATE] Here’s my post for the DOST Temporary Clearance Letter.

Monday Jam

Here’s a quick one. If ever your boss of any of officemates asked why you were late this morning, feel free to shove some of these pictures to their faces .

Here’s your daily T.I.T.S.

Captions frrom Shuttle point at Sucat and at the Bicutan Edsa Bus Station. (Thanks to WIll for the Bicutan images.)

Apparently an oil tanker spun somewhere in edsa intersection and spilled some oil along the roads, causing the humongous traffic.

“Pininahan ng XRM ung truck kaya tumaob”. Hehehe,

I didn’t know customed XRM’s come with shock wave igniters nowadays. That’s one well-pimped bike.

Apparently here’s the real story: http://www.philstar.com/index.php?Metro&p=50&type=2&sec=55

Makati Kolorum Raid

Before hitting the sacks last night, I entered 6:15 am at loudest tone volume in my nifty cellphone’s alarm. I needed to get up early for work, since the later half of the next day will be spent “chasing libertad” ( read: DFA Appointment for Passport). I plan on doing much of my day’s work in the morning, not to shy away from my Friday deadline. Fast forward the next morning and it’s Thursday once again. The day of transition between the week’s slump and T.G.I.F.

After the usual morning rituals, fooling around with my puppy askal Chinita and farming all the requirements and necessary documents, I’m off my way to Red Ribbon Sucat Road, where I take my daily shuttle cruise to Makati. It was a nice day, and a nice trip, seating in the third row, extreme left on the window side. The airconditioning’s fine from my vantage point, unfortunately the guys at my back weren’t equally blessed. A mere 30 minute ride, I arrived right on the money for my E.T.A.

Near my touchdown point at the de La Rosa Street and Paseo de Roxas intersection, the legal unloading area nearest my building, the van’s receiver went berzerk. Loud warnings of something in the works near my drop off point howled the frequency. Since shuttle drivers use their own two-way radio vocabulary, I didn’t understand much of the dialog. After a few seconds, the situation there was revealed. We were pulled over by men in blue, I went down and crossed the street, lit a cigarrette and picked my phone out the pocket. Stealthily pointing to the scene, I shot pictures of what would become the captions for today’s edition of “T.I.T.S.” ( Today in the Streets).

Shuttle Vehicles being pulled over one by one.

Men In Blue: This is our Turf. Succumb to the Hands of the LAW.

” Colorum” - Tawag sa pampasaherong dyip, bus o taksi na hindi lisenyado o rehistrado {unlicensed or unregistered public utility vehicle}
Halimbawa: ang daming nahuling mga colorum na nakaparada sa kanto

~Copongcopong’ Pinoy Slang Dictionary

Today’s Bountiful Catch.

Ang aga ng tawaran sa palengke..

It’s hard to question the legality of colorum operations. I believe MMDA spearheaded this campaign, as to clear the roads of PUV’s in order to mimimize metropolitan traffic. However, Makati is not within MMDA’s jurisdiction, that’s the last time i’ve heard. If LTFRB is the one cracking down on this issue, I isn’t it a bit too late, or inappropriate? Everyone who takes the shuttle to work everyday will admit that these services are actually, in a way helping the economy move forward. Although more of an option for convenience, for a commuter’s standpoint, shuttles are the more likely choice in this day and age. I think this area of transportation deserves better laws, and more comprehensiveness at that. Slightly hire fares and occasional raids are okay, as long as we won’t go back to the age when ruined hair and sweaty underarms compliment our morning business attires.

I am unusually early today. I wish I can get used to it.

Social Hijack, which of your ports are open?

I’ve been in the IT security field for quite some time now. At one point, it became clear to me that “PARANOIA” indeed is the driving force of this business. Not so rudimentary I suppose, let me try to make my point clear.

For years, companies big and small, spend whopping amounts of moolah just to keep their systems safe from intrusion. I should know because that’s what I help prevent daily from 9 to 5. This urge to isolate essential data has been the response to today’s edge in every business.. Information, hiding and sharing portions of it thereof, dictates the rise and fall of any established system, may it be accounting, learning firms, documentation of newly developed technology or even a simple lists of contacts of people, name it. Every drop of leaked information may seem negligible for the source’s standpoint, but damn, how priceless would it be if a competing entity grabs a hold of it.

The “hole” that leaked the drop is discovered. “Exploitation of a flaw” has its own field of art. Like sharks agitated by the smell of even just a drop of blood, competition would crave to wanting more, until all there is left are bones and scavenged flesh.

On technical jargon, most of this “blood draining” happens on system entry and exit points called “ports”. Although there are other means, ports are basically the super obvious targets for attackers (eavesdroppers are of a safer species), these are where most of the data communication actions come to play. There are many, and all ports are numbered (port 20 is for FTP, port 80 is for HTTP etc.).There is an option however to just shut it all down, but what good is a system if its not connected to anything (duuhhh).

Systems cannot afford to disconnect itself from the world, doing so will make itself useless, just a pile of very expensive paperweight. On the other hand, it can and will be exposed to vulnerabilities if it communicates with other systems. Simply “belonging” to a network group or even being under a host server will require it to spill out at least some information about itself, and what it holds, and a part of what it can do sooner or later. Like some social groups are to people, networks require a piece of that connecting system, or an operation that it can perform, before it could really be integrated into the circle.

It’s basically a matter of which ports are to be left open, and which ones should be disabled. Even the safest of ports would fall on its knees if attacked using the right technique. That’s why administrators and businesses have been paranoid to what could and could not happen, information passing through is quadruple checked even if it involves unnecessary data. Costly protection schemes and devices are implemented at a whim, as restoration is impossible if attacks are carried out in just seconds. Outside threat or inside job, anyone can attack you.

There is no real fail-safe mechanism. Survival depends on seeing catastrophe before it happen. Intuition, doubts, and instinct, paranoia is indeed a great factor.

Now, what does that leave us with? Is information technology eventually gearing towards the spectrum of social engineering? Or are we just paranoid about it, too much that we treat situations happening around us as extensions of our subconscious minds.

Where are you right now?

Who have you been talking to?

What have you been saying?

Acceptance is not universal, nor it is absolute. All there is..is the truth that you are vulnerable. As the ironic saying goes, if you keep treating yourself as a loner, no one would care, because no one would know until you let them see that you are. That’s why no man is an island. It’s the risk that comes with communicating.

Which of your ports are open?

StRANGEbReW.. wateber hapend tu?

STRANGEBREW….Erning, ihanda mo ang awto..

“*Sa tagal nyo ng pagtratrabaho dito at paghihirap. Ano gusto nyong baguhing ugali ng tatay nyo?”

…eternal words of Tado…:)

From a line-up drawn from missed auditions and lop-sided bargainings, Erning and Tado lead the cast of which would become a prelude to several indie followers crashing the entertainment scene with butt-cracking antics you wouldn’t let your values education teachers watch.

Tado, a well known independent film actor/comedian and sidekick Erning, starred by Julia Clarete during the early stages then replaced by Angel Rivero later due to reasons i dont know, became instant icons as word spread of something “strange” brewing on Saturday nights.

Directed by RA Rivera, Strangebrew features the misadventures of Tado as he roamed the metro meeting day to day characters, sticking his nose to people’s lives while enjoying side trips to places he doesn’t seem to care about.

A factory making crayons, taho kitchens. firestations etc, who on earth would ever take interest on such things, however squeezing silly questions which are often out of the topic fairly deflected all my rotten tomatoes. Several of his lines were hailed classics by tambay communities all over.

 

 

Tado (Arvin Jimenes blurred on his NSO birth certificate) is quite a person who can draw sarcasm out of mere stupidity. His punchlines may be poorly delivered at times, nonetheless no one can dodge its confusing appeal.

Angel Rivero a.k.a. Erning built her popularity by constantly uttering the word “TAMA!” on every occasion she feels fit (or unfit), so many it sounds weirdly irritating. She also drives the famous “Awto”, an old beat-up volkswagen beetle used on the show that later received an overhaul before just like bumblebee, without the intuitive fm radio of course.

Lastly, there was Ramon Bautista. Because of the show’s ahem…exquisite demands for talent ( or lack of talent fee budget), Ramon Bautista played numerous spots such as the electrolux man, tubero,salesman,panday,sirena,direktor,diwata,multo,dwende, preso,bowling,golf,tennis king,magnanakaw,taong grasa and much much more. A diversed comedian with a unique sense of flexibility, he managed to stumble on other stints right after the show was cancelled. I guess i’ve seen him on a studio 23 sportshow and a locally filmed parody of David Blaine.

The show got cancelled after merely two seasons, maybe because of low sponsorship from advertisers. It made me feel a certain loss in a way, and I guess other people who followed the show share the very same sentiments. In a celebrity driven world where telenovelas rule the evening tube, it’s great to have at least one good show to lighten impromptu conversations with thoughts that would appeal to even the weirdest people you know. Too bad it has to end, but t’was indeed damn good while it lasted.

Kudos to RA Rivera for setting the indie flame ablaze. I leave u now with unforgettable lines from the show, who knows you might get something from it,.. well maybe not.

 

Tado’s Greatest Hits:.

*Ang swimming ay magandang ehersisyo, pero alamin niyo ang inyong limitasyon dahil hindi ito parang kanin na iluluwa kapag napaso ay iluluwa

*let’s stay high in sports and not in drugs!

*Huwag mong isomolin ang aking Itlog! Dahil masustansya itong balut!. Kaya ugaliing kumain ng balot! upang di awayin ng Kulot!

*Sa panahon ng pakikidalamhati ehersisyo ang mainam tungo sa ganap na kalayaan. Time is the element of love and the love set my bird free.

*Good day! This is the historic Mud spring only in los baños! Well as you see that thing zooming thru the air is called the forbidden smoke.. The sky is blue,. The water’s brown.. Mud spring..

* You know erning this magnetic hill is not the issue of optical illusion I’ts Puberty. You see the key doesn’t move because it’s a steel so the magnet suck it up and this is lanka! Erning it’s Perseverance.., Study well and Good sleeping habit.. Nothing more nothing less.

*Panahon nanaman ng tag-ulan at maraming pinagkakaabalahan ang ating pamahalaan.Sinuwerte kami dahil kami’y nakakain, ngunit hindi ito sapat, ano ang dapat?.Igan! Samahan niyo kaming abutin ang sukdulang kaligayahan!.Kaya sa panahon ng tag ulan Let’s Go to the Beach!

*Malaki ang implwensya ng mga tsino sa ating pilipino. Tulad nalang nitong yakisoba galing pa ito sa shinchi dynasti.

*We cannot understand very well this is the train of life put together one by one for all of the filipino.. You know erning this train doesnt work..

*Ang naglalakad ng matulin pag nadapa ay masakit. Ang naglalakad ng mas matulin tiyak kabayo yun. Kaya simulan nanatin ang karera ni totoy mola!.

*Hindi na mahalaga kung nakakain na kami ng tapa!. Bastat may maihahapag sa lamesa!.
Kaya iwasan ang tulo ugaliing tawagan ang inyong tubero!..

*He will not just be happy in here he will be the happiest because the serendipity and coolness.

*You know erning this is the most painfull experience it’s like my first time you know and it hurts..

Tado’s forbidden questions:

*E kung isasapelikula ang iyong buhay. sino ho gusto nyong gumanap?

*E kung sa kalagitnaan ho ng inyong ginagawa e bigla ho kayong naihe anong gagawin nyo?

*E sa hirap po ng trabaho nyo no napaka komplikado at ang pamahalaan e nahihirapan na.. e ano ho paborito nyong palaman sa tinapay tuwing umuulan?

*Sino ho yung titser nyo nung grade 1?

*A manong pwede nyo po bang ipaliwanag ang kapaligiran?

*E ano naman yung di mo malilimutang eksperyensya dito?

*E ano po ba ang maitutulong nyan sa ating ekonomiya?

*E ano po ang gusto nyong maging paglaki nyo?

Info and image source: http://www.geocities.com/Jazzler_B/Strange